I’ve written about shyness on this blog before, and I figured it was time for a little update. Partly because I hope that by talking about shyness, other people will talk about shyness as I think it’s something people don’t talk about enough (because, y’know, they’re shy). And partly by way of exorcism. It’s just nice to get it off my chest, y’know.
I’ve been shy all my life. I was one of those kids who’d hide behind my mother’s legs and never answer a question in class despite knowing the answer. The rare occasions I did raise my head above the parapet, I’d get laughed at by the other kids. They didn’t like what I liked, they thought I was ugly, they mocked my voice. It’s probably why I enjoy writing – I have something to say, but I’m afraid to say it, so I write it instead.
My shyness has stopped me from doing many things in life that I’d like to. People on podcasts have asked me to participate, but I’ve politely declined as I’m terrified of speaking. People have asked me to meet up, but I’ve politely declined because I fear they wouldn’t like me. People have asked me my thoughts on things, but I say the bare minimum as I don’t want them to think bad things of me. It’s silly, but it’s the hand I’ve been dealt, and I try to play it as best I can (by setting up blogs, for a start!).
The biggest thing this shyness has denied me is a love life. I turned 32 this year and – as embarrassing as this sounds – have never had a girlfriend. I hope people reading don’t think any less of me because of that. I’d like to think it’s not because I’m not good boyfriend material, it’s just that my shyness makes it so difficult to talk to people, even though – weirdly – I’m much better at talking to women than I am at talking to men. I fear that men will think my love of Disney and my admiration of a lot of geeky female fashion is a bit pathetic. I don’t fear that when talking to women.
I truly don’t know if my love life will improve, as I worry that I’m now past my sell by date: too old for some, too inexperienced for others. But I’m going to keep going. I’m going to some fun events over the next few months (Destination Star Trek, comic cons, and – most excitingly – a preview of Moana with a Q&A by Ron and John!!!!) and am really enjoying writing this blog. I’ve started talking to some wonderful people because of it and those conversations really cheer me up. (I hope you people know who you are).
I’ll keep writing about shyness, but that’s it for now. Thanks for reading 🙂